One of the benefits of undertaking a mindfulness practice is we get the opportunity to notice how we give ourselves a hard time. This can take the form of aversion, self hate, negative self judgment that are often revealed in the thoughts that we have about ourselves and the emotions that accompany them. This kind of mental activity may be flying under your radar depending on how well you know the inner topography of your being.
This kind of mental traffic and commentary is often habitual and may have been hatched in our minds a long time ago. In my case, I can recall many beliefs and opinions that were formed as a teenager that are no longer relevant for today and yet, they often can surface and create havoc with my wellbeing. It can be quite valuable to take some time to listen and get to know this inner dialogue and to make a choice to stop beating yourself up. Through this effort, you can develop some compassion for yourself.
Rather than trying to get rid of the thinking, it might be interesting to try to pay attention to something else in our experience. In a formal mindfulness practice, we often use our breath to anchor us in the moment and to work on seeing ourselves as much larger than our thoughts.
If this doesn’t work for you, try changing your perception of aversion for the self. Consider that there may be some truth in what we perceive as “less” if the standards we are holding ourselves up to are ideal. No one is perfect and part of the challenge is to give up striving for an ideal that is impossible for anyone to achieve. Regardless of who we are, we all have our strengths and our “blemishes” and It is not a reason to give up or to stop pursuing what is meaningful for you.